As a child I dreamed of saving the world. I thought that I would enter the peace corp and try to make a difference on a grand scale. After years of mental, physical, and sexual abuse, my drive to make a difference was depleted. I think I entered a self preservation mode for many years. How could I help others when I could barely get out of bed myself? In life I settled for the simple and whatever would keep my demons quiet. On the show Buffy: The Vampire Slayer there was an evil that wanted to rise up. The statement from that was: "From within it devours." That statement has stuck with me for years now. For me it has a significant meaning. My depression eats me from the inside out. Over the years I settled to become a special needs mom and battle the daily struggles my children face. If you are wonder why I say settled, I will tell you. This was not the grand scheme I envisioned for myself. Fighting for my children and their successes comes as natural as breathing. I still dream of making a difference in the lives of others. When I am dead I want to be remembered as the one who tried to make a difference in the lives of those I encountered. Through the abuse I came out stronger and more determined than I ever dreamed to be. I have the ability to help others by telling my stories and getting them out there for the world to see. If through me another finds an ounce of strength that they were lacking then I have accomplished something. At this stage in life I refuse to allow self sabotage to come into play. I plan to save those I can one post at a time.