Sunday, March 8, 2015

Having a Safe and Healthy Relationship

I started counseling a few months ago to learn how to battle the PTSD and the depression. Yesterday my counselor asked me if I was capable of having a normal healthy relationship. All I could do was shrug. The question has plagued me since she asked the question. By definition what is a healthy relationship in this day and time? At this point I decided I needed to do some research.

A normal healthy relationship is one where both partners feel connected and supported, yet still have their own identities, Communication and boundaries are the key to a successful relationship. Communication allows both partners the ability to express their concerns without fear or judgement from the other. Communication gives the feeling of connection and allows for the celebration and of accomplishments yet is there for the moral support on the dark times. Boundaries places guidelines on what each partner feels comfortable and uncomfortable with. Boundaries states that it is not acceptable to feel the need to check up on the other partner and to limit time with others. Boundaries also keeps from the accusations of unfaithfulness and the lack of trust.

After reading all of the information I realize that I have not made a true attempt at having a healthy relationship. Communication has never been an issue for me, but boundaries apparently is something that I need to seriously work on. I trust no one completely for fear of abandonment and rejection. I feel this driving need to know where my partner is all the time and want to be right by his side at all times. Sometimes I feel it is his obligation to keep me posted out of fear that he will abandon me. I have been know to check up with his comings and goings via the internet. The next step for me is to figure out how not to be this way.

My abandonment issues will take time for me to address because I learned of abandonment at an early age and it has been a consistent issue in my life. I will shoulder some of the blame here. I keep people at arm's length so they can get close enough to hurt me. I also push people away before they can love me, because the fear of rejection is so great.

I see the challenges before me and I am not afraid to address them. One foot is in front of the other and I am moving forward. No one gets ahead in life by constantly looking backwards.