Thursday, June 30, 2016
For many years I had this driving need to have someone of the male gender in my life. Aaron broke me of that in his attempt to destroy me. I was a woman who love giving and receiving affection. I was a woman who craved attention, but now I prefer to just be left alone. The thought of having someone even touch me with some form of affection makes me cringe. He turned me into a monster, who lacks the ability to form an attachment to anyone of the other gender. I need to find a way to get past this, for my children do not deserve to see their mother struggling with anything.They deserve a mother who is happy and in love with life. They deserve to see a mother who can do anything she sets her mind on. Instead they have me with all of my baggage. I see in their eyes that they also are carrying some of my baggage. It's not fair. Tomorrow starts a new chapter in our lives. There will be no looking back, and there will be no Aaron. Part of me hurts knowing that there will be no Aaron, but my children need this so I can grow and be the role model of strength for them, and to stop being someone's verbal punching bag. Please keep me and mine in your thoughts and prayers as we begin our new life.
Monday, June 27, 2016
Since my last major breakup, my life hasn't felt like my own. The woman who once wanted attention and affection just wants to be left alone. I hate the thought of someone touching me. I cringe when the phone alerts me to a call or text. I always wonder, "What is going to be expected of me?" or "Are they expecting me to do something?" In short I just wish the world would leave me alone and go away. Because of this phase of my life I know I need a change. I have made the decision to relocate my children and myself to another state for a fresh start.Every day I second guess that decision. I spoke with a friend and he accused me of running away again. I denied it, but upon some reflection, I can see that he was correct. Even though he was right doesn't mean that this decision is wrong. My children and I live in a bad neighborhood with shootings and such. They need this change also for safety reasons. I believe that they can thrive in this new location. We will be closer to friends and family. Maybe in this new location I can find my place in this world. Today I feel confident that this is the right choice for us. Georgia here we come, ready or not!!!!!!