Should I Have Killed my Child?

When I found out I was pregnant with my second child, I was advised to have an abortion. Not for a minute did I consider that an option. For me abortion equals murder. I loved that boy from the moment he was conceived. From the moment he drew his first breath he became my world. At 15 months I realized he was not perfect in the standards of the world. Over the next few years he was diagnosed with a mental disability. I questioned how could I have a slow child when I myself am a brilliant person. It is not fair. Recently I received the news that mentally he would never be his age and that no matter how old he was he would always be my little boy. Many parents state that they wish their child would never grow up and leave their home, but theirs has that option. I want my boy to grow up, move out, and have a family of his own. This was a shattered dream of mine. As reality has set in I realize that he will be ridiculed and bullied because he is just that different. Though he will never truly grasp that these people are making fun of him, I will see it and hurt for him. I have wondered if ending his life in the beginning would have been the better choice for him. He would know no hurt or scorn. He would not have to fight for the things other kids take for granted. I have realized his place in this world is to teach other people. He has the capacity to educate people on how to be compassionate and understanding. Through him the world can be further educated on the term "mentally retarded" and no allow that word to have a stigma for ridicule.