Liars in Our Midst

I've come to realize that lying has become second nature to each and everyone of us. We use the words I love you too freely. Many don't know the true meaning of the words I love you. Some say it as a means to make someone feel better, because there are times when I like you just doesn't do exactly what I love you would. There's the guys after a one-night stand where's all the sweating a one-time thing this will happen again. Yet you never seem to hear from them again. Is it anyone's loss? People lie to keep from being uncomfortable. We can tell the truth and save some one potential heartache and discovering the LIE, but it is become convenient to tell that lie. Is it justifiable to lie to someone? I can't say that I'm blameless in not lying, but I'm a big girl and I try to say what I think and what I feel regardless of how it makes another feel.

Somedays

Some days I feel like I have it all figured out. Other days I don't know what the hell I'm doing anymore. Being an adult doesn't come with any instructions. Everything is trial and error. I'm at this stage in life where I'm afraid that every decision I make is going to be the wrong one. It's not just my life I'm concerned with but the lives of my three children. Days like today I wish my grandfather were still alive so I could go to him and talk to him and ask him what's right choice. But that's not an option. Everything is on me. If I fall it isn't just mean that some feel the repercussions. My children will suffer also. Over the past couple weeks of pondered over a few Life Choices. today I made one choice official. I decided that my children didn't need the baggage that their father aka the donor had to offer them. He's the type a father that likes the title of father yet he does nothing to deserve the title. It has been over a decade since he seen his children. He makes no effort to see them now even after all the time that has passed. His daughter knows nothing of him other than his name. She has no memories of him and that may be a blessing for her sake. I will not put my children in the position to wear that he could hurt them either mentally or physically. I know deep down inside this was the right choice for them. I wish I could say out loud that it hurt me to sever ties with him. but it didn't. How can something hurt that means nothing to you?

Changes or Chances

Why do people seek to hide things or deceive me? Do they not realize I sense the truth before I hear it? I feel a change in the air. In some ways it will be a positive change, yet in other ways it will complicate my life. I just wish people had the nerve to be upfront with me.I'm ready for the changes for they are new chances in the making.

Maternal Guilt

As parents how many times do we need that break from our children? This past weekend I took a break from my children and my life. While I was gone through a chain of circumstances my princess was injured and was rushed to the hospital. I couldn't get there in time. My child cried for me and I wasn't there. My heart shattered in a million of pieces and I feel that I failed her in so many different ways. On the positive note I was able to open my eyes to see what is really around me and know what is truly valuable.