The Greatest Blessing in my Life

About 18 years and 9 months ago my world was in shambles. I had become everything I swore I would never be. I was barely 18 and had a failed marriage. I was lost and only wanted an escape from this world. I wanted to die. At the moment I was ready to give up and end it all, I found out that I was pregnant. I knew at that moment to take my own life would be to kill my unborn child also. I knew that I could not be that selfish. Decisions on what to do was my next step. I knew that I would be raising my child alone without any paternal help. I saw myself as a weak person with no backbone. How could I raise a child when I could not even stand up for myself? I knew abortion wasn't an option. For nine months I tossed around the idea of giving my child up for adoption and I continued to ponder that idea until the moment I gave birth. The moment I held him for the first time, I knew that I loved him more than life itself. On this day 18 years ago I gave birth to a perfectly healthy baby boy. I named him Trenton Chance. The name Chance was to symbolize the opportunity he gave me by being his mother. He became my salvation. I would not trade him for anything else in this world. I know with him I made mistakes on a grand scale and have done things that he may never forgive me for. Most of what I have done was for his benefit. Everyday I miss not being a part of his daily life, but he is in my mind and heart wherever I am and whatever I do. I love you more than breath, my son.

To Be a Conquering Champion

From the moment of each of my children's conceptions I loved them more than life itself. I love each of my children differently and equally. My youngest son needed not only a mom but also a champion. He is mentally challenged and nonverbal. You might ask, "if he can't talk how are his needs met?" It's really simple. I am his voice. He has been mine for 9 years and I know him as no one else can.

Our battles are truly beginning. The school has been fighting against what's best for him for their best interest and not his. Rather than comply with instructions from his only caregiver they seek to bring others in that care nothing for him and where he will end up. Well we are finished with what they think is best. I am the mom and I wear the pants in this relationship. Either they join our side, which is his side, or get out of our way. He will get the education he deserves and is in his constitutional rights. The passive mom is gone. Now they get the warrior mom who will take no prisoners.

Intellectual Disability (Mental Retardation)

Intellectual disability (ID), once called mental retardation, is characterized by below-average intelligence or mental ability and a lack of skills necessary for day-to-day living. People with intellectual disabilities can and do learn new skills, but they learn them more slowly. There are varying degrees of intellectual disability, from mild to profound.

What is intellectual disability?

Someone with intellectual disability has limitations in two areas. These areas are:

• Intellectual functioning. Also known as IQ, this refers to a person’s ability to learn, reason, make decisions, and solve problems.
• Adaptive behaviors. These are skills necessary for day-to-day life, such as being able to communicate effectively, interact with others, and take care of oneself.

IQ (intelligence quotient) is measured by an IQ test. The average IQ is 100. A person is considered intellectually disabled if he or she has an IQ of less than 70 to 75.

To measure a child’s adaptive behaviors, a specialist will observe the child’s skills and compare them to other children of the same age. Things that may be observed include how well the child can feed or dress himself or herself; how well the child is able to communicate with and understand others; and how the child interacts with family, friends, and other children of the same age.

Intellectual disability is thought to affect about 1% of the population. Of those affected, 85% have mild intellectual disability. This means they are just a little slower than average to learn new information or skills. With the right support, most will be able to live independently as adults.

What are the signs of intellectual disability in children?

There are many different signs of intellectual disability in children. Signs may appear during infancy, or they may not be noticeable until a child reaches school age. It often depends on the severity of the disability. Some of the most common signs of intellectual disability are:

• Rolling over, sitting up, crawling, or walking late
• Talking late or having trouble with talking
• Slow to master things like potty training, dressing, and feeding himself or herself
• Difficulty remembering things
• Inability to connect actions with consequences
• Behavior problems such as explosive tantrums
• Difficulty with problem-solving or logical thinking

In children with severe or profound intellectual disability, there may be other health problems as well. These problems may include seizures, mental disorders, motor handicaps, vision problems, or hearing problems.

What causes intellectual disability?

Anytime something interferes with normal brain development, intellectual disability can result. However, a specific cause for intellectual disability can only be pinpointed about a third of the time.

The most common causes of intellectual disability are:

• Genetic conditions. These include things like Down syndrome and fragile X syndrome.
• Problems during pregnancy.Things that can interfere with fetal brain development include alcohol or drug use, malnutrition, certain infections, or preeclampsia.
• Problems during childbirth.Intellectual disability may result if a baby is deprived of oxygen during childbirth or born extremely premature.
• Illness or injury. Infections like meningitis, whooping cough, or themeasles can lead to intellectual disability. Severe head injury, near-drowning, extreme malnutrition, exposure to toxic substances such as lead, and severe neglect or abuse can also cause it.

Can intellectual disability be prevented?

Certain causes of intellectual disability are preventable. The most common of these is fetal alcohol syndrome. Pregnant women shouldn’t drink alcohol. Getting proper prenatal care, taking a prenatal vitamin, and getting vaccinated against certain infectious diseases can also lower the risk that your child will be born with intellectual disabilities.

In families with a history of genetic disorders, genetic testing may be recommended before conception.

Certain tests, such as ultrasound and amniocentesis, can also be performed during pregnancy to look for problems associated with intellectual disability. Although these tests may identify problems before birth, they cannot correct them.

How is intellectual disability diagnosed?

Intellectual disability may be suspected for many different reasons. If a baby has physical abnormalities that suggest a genetic or metabolic disorder, a variety of tests may be done to confirm the diagnosis. These include blood tests, urine tests, imaging tests to look for structural problems in the brain, or electroencephalogram (EEG) to look for evidence of seizures.

In children with developmental delays, the doctor will perform tests to rule out other problems, including hearing problems and certain neurological disorders. If no other cause can be found for the delays, the child will be referred for formal testing.

Three things factor into the diagnosis of intellectual disability: interviews with the parents, observation of the child, and testing of intelligence and adaptive behaviors. A child is considered intellectually disabled if he or she has deficits in both IQ and adaptive behaviors. If only one or the other is present, the child is not considered intellectually disabled.

After a diagnosis of intellectual disability is made, a team of professionals will assess the child’s particular strengths and weaknesses. This helps them determine how much and what kind of support the child will need to succeed at home, in school, and in the community.

What services are available for people with intellectual disability?

For babies and toddlers, early intervention programs are available. A team of professionals works with parents to write an Individualized Family Service Plan, or IFSP. This document outlines the child’s specific needs and what services will help the child thrive. Early intervention may include speech therapy, occupational therapy, physical therapy, family counseling, training with special assistive devices, or nutritionservices.

School-aged children with intellectual disabilities (including preschoolers) are eligible for special education for free through the public school system. This is mandated by the Individuals With Disabilities Education Act (IDEA). Parents and educators work together to create an Individualized Education Program, or IEP, which outlines the child’s needs and the services the child will receive at school. The point of special education is to make adaptations, accommodations, and modifications that allow a child with an intellectual disability to succeed in the classroom.

What can I do to help my intellectually disabled child?

Steps to help your intellectually disabled child include:

• Learn everything you can about intellectual disabilities. The more you know, the better advocate you can be for your child.
• Encourage your child’s independence. Let your child try new things and encourage your child to do things by himself or herself. Provide guidance when it’s needed and give positive feedback when your child does something well or masters something new.
• Get your child involved in group activities. Taking an art class or participating in Scouts will help your child build social skills.
• Stay involved. By keeping in touch with your child’s teachers, you’ll be able to follow his or her progress and reinforce what your child is learning at school through practice at home.
• Get to know other parents of intellectually disabled children. They can be a great source of advice and emotional support.

www.webmd.com

Should I Have Killed my Child?

When I found out I was pregnant with my second child, I was advised to have an abortion. Not for a minute did I consider that an option. For me abortion equals murder. I loved that boy from the moment he was conceived. From the moment he drew his first breath he became my world. At 15 months I realized he was not perfect in the standards of the world. Over the next few years he was diagnosed with a mental disability. I questioned how could I have a slow child when I myself am a brilliant person. It is not fair. Recently I received the news that mentally he would never be his age and that no matter how old he was he would always be my little boy. Many parents state that they wish their child would never grow up and leave their home, but theirs has that option. I want my boy to grow up, move out, and have a family of his own. This was a shattered dream of mine. As reality has set in I realize that he will be ridiculed and bullied because he is just that different. Though he will never truly grasp that these people are making fun of him, I will see it and hurt for him. I have wondered if ending his life in the beginning would have been the better choice for him. He would know no hurt or scorn. He would not have to fight for the things other kids take for granted. I have realized his place in this world is to teach other people. He has the capacity to educate people on how to be compassionate and understanding. Through him the world can be further educated on the term "mentally retarded" and no allow that word to have a stigma for ridicule.