Inspiration

Where do you find your inspiration? Where do you find your drive? Lately for me I have been lacking in both regards. To get up has been a struggle. Today, I woke up and said to myself, "No more." I have no clue what lies ahead for us, but I do know that this is not the place for us to grow and thrive. I have no clue what direction lays before us, but I know that we will do it with dignity and honor, because I am a heathen and that's what we do. I have had to do a morality check lately and have come to the realization that if I have to sacrifice my dignity to maintain necessities. Nothing is worth losing your honor, because man seeks to take it from you. Doors have closed, that need to be closed. We are ready for the next chapter and the next adventure.

When Is Enough Enough?

In the beginning he told me that he loved me every chance he got. It would fill my heart until I feared it would burst. Near the end of the relationship he'd tell me that he hated me and worked that he had never met me. These declarations would have "I love you" minutes after he'd tell me I needed to go, that he was done with me. I stayed much longer than I should have. Enough was enough when he made threats against my offsprings. I packed up everything that was mine. I thought that would be the end of our story, but our story had an afterword. He would contact me with words of love and devotion. Every attempt I made to thwart him was blocked by a new sternly of his to contact me. When will he learn that he killed any love I could have for him? At what point will he comprehend that enough is enough and allow me to rebuild my life?

Destruction

He tried to break me with words of pure hated. He spew lies about me to whomever would listen. His attempts were in vain, for he failed miserably.

The Greatest Blessing in my Life

About 18 years and 9 months ago my world was in shambles. I had become everything I swore I would never be. I was barely 18 and had a failed marriage. I was lost and only wanted an escape from this world. I wanted to die. At the moment I was ready to give up and end it all, I found out that I was pregnant. I knew at that moment to take my own life would be to kill my unborn child also. I knew that I could not be that selfish. Decisions on what to do was my next step. I knew that I would be raising my child alone without any paternal help. I saw myself as a weak person with no backbone. How could I raise a child when I could not even stand up for myself? I knew abortion wasn't an option. For nine months I tossed around the idea of giving my child up for adoption and I continued to ponder that idea until the moment I gave birth. The moment I held him for the first time, I knew that I loved him more than life itself. On this day 18 years ago I gave birth to a perfectly healthy baby boy. I named him Trenton Chance. The name Chance was to symbolize the opportunity he gave me by being his mother. He became my salvation. I would not trade him for anything else in this world. I know with him I made mistakes on a grand scale and have done things that he may never forgive me for. Most of what I have done was for his benefit. Everyday I miss not being a part of his daily life, but he is in my mind and heart wherever I am and whatever I do. I love you more than breath, my son.