Bright Tomorrows

I sit here today and I'm simply amazed at the changes one year can bring in my life. In 2016 I was brought to the lowest I've ever been before. I refuse to put myself in that position again. 2017 is restoring my hope for a brilliant future for my children and myself. I know I'm not satisfied with the way my life is now and I want more for my future. Clearly I can see the aspects of my life that I don't enjoy and plan to make changes to alter them. This year I see with such clarity that family isn't blood shared, but rather the tears, hopes, and fears we share with those we are closest to. For the the sisters who have come into my life I am truly blessed to have them. The man in my life places no expectations on me and I expect nothing from him. We enjoy each day we have with each other. For me I know we are not promised anything in this works. All we have is this moment and what we do with it is entirely up to us.

A New Day Dawns

As I sit here this morning, I'm reflecting on how this year has been thus far. I have made it a wee bit past the half way point and I must say this year has sucked in epic proportions. Some of the reasoning behind this years chaos was beyond my control. Others was because I made choices with the best of intents, and apparently I make poor decisions with my life or I'm not listening to the ones greater than myself are telling me.

I made the decision to relocate my family with the best of intentions. Everything blew up in my face. Now not only do I have financial issues, but I have legal dramas. To best sum it up nothing has went as planned.

Now I find myself needing to regroup and figure out just where I'm supposed to be. In my heart I know it's not here, because the chaos in my life has increased rather than decreasing. How does one know what the right path in life is?

Someone of my Own

For many years I had this driving need to have someone of the male gender in my life. Aaron broke me of that in his attempt to destroy me. I was a woman who love giving and receiving affection. I was a woman who craved attention, but now I prefer to just be left alone. The thought of having someone even touch me with some form of affection makes me cringe. He turned me into a monster, who lacks the ability to form an attachment to anyone of the other gender. I need to find a way to get past this, for my children do not deserve to see their mother struggling with anything.They deserve a mother who is happy and in love with life. They deserve to see a mother who can do anything she sets her mind on. Instead they have me with all of my baggage. I see in their eyes that they also are carrying some of my baggage. It's not fair. Tomorrow starts a new chapter in our lives. There will be no looking back, and there will be no Aaron. Part of me hurts knowing that there will be no Aaron, but my children need this so I can grow and be the role model of strength for them, and to stop being someone's verbal punching bag. Please keep me and mine in your thoughts and prayers as we begin our new life.

Turning the Page for the Next Chapter

Since my last major breakup, my life hasn't felt like my own. The woman who once wanted attention and affection just wants to be left alone. I hate the thought of someone touching me. I cringe when the phone alerts me to a call or text. I always wonder, "What is going to be expected of me?" or "Are they expecting me to do something?" In short I just wish the world would leave me alone and go away. Because of this phase of my life I know I need a change. I have made the decision to relocate my children and myself to another state for a fresh start.Every day I second guess that decision. I spoke with a friend and he accused me of running away again. I denied it, but upon some reflection, I can see that he was correct. Even though he was right doesn't mean that this decision is wrong. My children and I live in a bad neighborhood with shootings and such. They need this change also for safety reasons. I believe that they can thrive in this new location. We will be closer to friends and family. Maybe in this new location I can find my place in this world. Today I feel confident that this is the right choice for us. Georgia here we come, ready or not!!!!!!